12. Sound Bath

Using the power of sound to enter into a deep, relaxing meditative state 

A meditative experience where you are bathed in the sounds from bowls, gongs, chimes, percussion and the like. They can last between 30 minutes and several hours. 

The best are in-person sound bathes, do some Googling :). But there are some online versions below to get you started.

• 3 Hour Crystal Singing Bowl Sound Bath @ Healing Vibrations

• Release Anxiety & Tension | Soft Crystal Singing Bowl Sound Bath @Healing Vibrations

• Study shows that singing bowl meditation reduces tension, anxiety and depression

13. Autonomous Sensory
Meridian Response (ASMR)

Relaxation and tingles triggered by whispered words and repetitive sounds

Tapping, crackling, crinkling, scrunching, stroking, whispering...all recorded with super sensitive microphones.

Weird, yet relaxing.

• GentleWhispering: Maria, the Queen of ASMR

• MassageASMR: Dimitri

• ASMRMagic

• Unintentional ASMR: videos that are accidentally ASMR-like

  • Special shout out to this accidental ASMR interview with John Butler - Discovering Stillness

14. Words of Wisdom and
Spiritual Readings

Wisdom from throughout the ages give us
the fortitude to deal with difficult circumstances

I have found words of wisdom and spiritual readings to be surprisingly comforting when life is at its bleakest!

• Samaneri Jayasara: Australian nun who records readings spiritual teachings and meditations from all traditions 

• Medicine of One: non-duality readings and teachings out of Sedona, Arizona

• Alan Watts: the original spiritual entertainer and ‘genuine fake’ 

• Noah Elkrief: practical spiritual advice from a genuine soul

• Spiritual Unfoldment with John Butler: a cross between Father Christmas and Jesus

15. Mindfulness

Non-judgemental awareness of the contents of your experience 

For some people, especially those with trauma, meditation can be very difficult as they are attempting to sit with a lot of survival stress in their system. This can do more harm than good or can even feel very unsafe. In this case, it is advisable to either find a different spiritual practice (perhaps something more physical like yoga) or to find specific trauma-informed meditations (check out Roland Bal or David Treleaven, for example).

There are many different mindfulness techniques. Below is a very basic set of instructions that are helpful for calming the nervous system alongside some guided meditations.

1. Settle down somewhere comfortable and take a few deep breaths 

2. Open your attention up to the present moment 

3. As best you can, let your experience be exactly as it is 

4. Be a container for the thoughts, feelings and sensations in your experience

5. If you find yourself getting lost in thought, just notice and come back to open awareness

6. There is no goal, just an intention to stay present with what is

• 10 Minute Guided Mindfulness Meditation @ Great Meditation

• Daily Calm | 10 Minute Mindfulness Meditation | Be Present @ Calm

• 4-Minute Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness Exercise @ David Treleaven

• How to Meditate @ mindful.org

• How to Meditate with Anxiety @ mindful.org

• The Ultimate Meditation for PTSD Guide @ Roland Bal

• Complex Trauma and How to Start Meditation @ Roland Bal

16. Concentration / Breath Meditation

Using your breath as the object of meditation to build concentration

This is a form of meditation that builds concentration by focusing on a single object: your breath. 

1. Settle down comfortably and take a few deep breaths to relax

2. Focus your attention on the sensation of your breathing (either the feeling of the air moving past the nostrils or your abdomen moving up and down or anywhere you can feel it clearly).

3. Keep your attention on the sensation of the breath as best you can

4. When you get distracted, simply notice and gently return to the sensation of the breath

5. If you want, you can count your breaths, starting again every time you get distracted

6. Continue for 10-15 minutes

• Guided Meditation - Counting the Breath @ UP Development

• Grounding for Anxiety: Breath Counting @ Therapy in a Nutshell

17. Mantra Meditation

Focusing on a repeat syllable word or phrase to
make the mind one-pointed and present

1. Choose a mantra that suits you. You can use anything, but here are some classics:

   1. Aum or Om: the universal vibration

   2. Om mani padme hum: a Tibetan Buddhist mantra

   3. Invoke the attribute you want to cultivate, e.g. calm, joy, peace etc.

   4. Ram

2. Repeat the mantra in your mind (not too fast!) 

3. Keep your attention on the mantra, watching it arise, disappear and arise again

4. Whenever you get lost in thought, come back to the mantra

5. This can be done in sitting meditation or during the day

• Silent Mantra Meditation - An Easy Introduction for Mantra Meditation Beginners

• John Butler: The 'common sense' guide to meditation - Part 3 (the use of a mantra)

• The Science Behind Finding Your Mantra and How to Practice It Daily @ Yoga Journal

18. Sit By Water!

Humans are naturally drawn to water,
which has a profoundly calming effect

People who live by the coast are healthier and spending time near water counteracts the depression and anxiety created by modern, tech-fuelled lifestyles. 

The combination of vast expanses of water and the rustling white noise of the waves shrinks our self-centred ego and places our attention instead on the movement of life itself. 

19. Anxiety-Reducing Foods

Foods scientifically proven to reduce anxiety

Many foods are scientifically proven to reduce anxiety. You are what you eat, after all.

• Chamomile: “significantly reduced moderate-to-several Anxiety Disorder symptoms”

• Salmon: “significant decreases in state-anxiety”

• Turmeric: “effective in reducing depression and anxiety”

• Dark chocolate: “beneficial effects on … cognitive function and mood”

• Yoghurt: “may aid in stress coping”

• Green tea: “stress response … significantly reduced”

• Blueberries: “improved positive mood”

• Leafy greens: promotes GABA production which “not only induces relaxation but also reduces anxiety”

So get stuck into a dark-chocolate-drizzled salmon yoghurt!

20. Co-Regulation with Friends/Family/Partners

Nature gifted us the most powerful ‘regulation technique’: other people 

Humans evolved to be hyper-social and to need connections to others.

Other people who make us feel safe influence our nervous systems, bringing us back to a state of rest and connection.

This is nature’s way of regulating our nervous system and is utterly foundational!

• Warm, calming presence

• Safe, welcoming tone of voice 

• Verbal acknowledgement of distress

• Physical attunement and mirroring

• Eye contact  

• Ability to hold space

• Lack of judgement

• Pick up the phone! Even if you don’t feel like it

• Build a support network (see no. 49) or be heard without judgement (no. 66)

• Notice if you are starting to isolate

• Notice mental blocks to connection (negative inner voice, projection etc.)

• Discover the Gift of Co-Regulation @ Austin Intimacy Solutions

• The Co-Regulation Effect @ Relationship Restoration

21. Hug. Hug. Hug.

Hugs build the sense of safety that is critical for emotional healing 

Hugs creates a sense of trust and safety, relieves stress, blood pressure, relaxes the body and strengthens the immune system. Among a million other benefits. Get hugging!

BUT! I find lots of people today are kind of rubbish huggers. They go in, give you a weak squeeze and retreat as soon as they can. 

Don’t get me started on the light back tappy thing. This is the hugging equivalent of getting a takeaway that’s all rice and no sauce!

1. Grab someone (who you know!) and give them a proper squeeze

2. Hold and breathe! Feel them! 

3. Don’t do the light tappy thing on the back - it’s a sign of inauthenticity in the hug (a firm slap, however is encouraged)

4. Hold for 20 seconds or longer to allow the bonding hormone oxytocin to get in on the action!  

• 10 Awesome Health Benefits of Hugging That’ll Make You Want to Squeeze Someone Like Right Now @ Well and Good

22. Breath of Fire

Rapid, rhythmic, continuous breathing to enliven and engage

A classic exercise from Kundalini Yoga (see no. 27) to stimulate the nervous system. Great as a warm up for other techniques or exercises and to deal with cravings and anxiety.

1. Sit up tall 

2. Start panting like a dog: forced exhale, passive inhale

3. Notice how your belly pulls in on each exhale 

4. When ready close your mouth and do the same through your nose

5. Breathe rapidly and sharply, pulling in the belly on the exhale and letting the inhale flow out passively

6. Breathe in one fluid movement with no pause, roughly one in-out cycle per second

7. Keep the rest of your body relaxed (face, arms etc.). 

8. Continue for 1-3 minutes (with practice you can continue up to 30 mins)

9. Notice how you feel afterwards

• How to do Breath of Fire Tutorial @ BrettLarkinYoga

• Stop Cravings and Freakouts with this 3-Minute Breath @ Hip Sobriety

23. Yogic Coffee Exercise

A 30-second breathing exercise to perk you up, without any caffeine!

1. Stand up, close your eyes and rest your arms at your sides

2. Take a few deep breathes to ground yourself

3. Inhale quickly and sharply and stretch your hands up above your head

4. Exhale quickly and sharply and bring your arms down quickly, clenching your fists and bringing the elbows into the ribcage (fists should end up around shoulder level)

5. Keep inhaling and exhaling quickly and sharply, raising your hands and bring them down each time

6. Continue for 30 seconds to a few minutes

7. Notice how you feel before and after the exercise!

Check out a great video tutorial here from this dude on Meetup.

• Energize Yourself with This 30 Second Breathing Exercise @ Lifehacker

24. Victorious Breath /
Ujjayi Pranayama

Controlling the pace of your breath to ground and energise

This breath practice is widely used in yoga. It can be used on its own, incorporated into yoga postures or brought into daily life.

This practice makes a sound that is similar to the waves of the ocean and is grounding and energising.

1. Practice first with your mouth open to get the hang of it

2. Constrict the back of your throat as if you were about to fog up a mirror

3. Inhale and exhale with this constriction, trying to ‘fog’ up an imaginary mirror in front of you - you should hear an ocean-like sound

4. When you are comfortable, close your mouth and do the same through your nose

5. Gently place the tongue on the roof of the mouth

6. Take long, controlled breaths, maintaining the constriction in the throat

7. Focus on the silent gap between the breaths to stay present

• Basic Yoga Breathing Ujjayi Tutorial | Breathe and Flow Yoga

• Ujjayi Breathing | Yoga with Adriene

25. Singing

The world’s most accessible stress relief 

Singing, either individually in groups, lowers stress, anxiety and depression. Even just listening to singing helps. 

One of the reasons is that singing is a kind of exercise that releases endorphins and the way we must control our breathing to sing is a kind of breathwork. 

The key is that it has to be just for fun in a setting that doesn’t induce any anxiety.

• 10 Ways That Singing Benefits Your Health

• Balcony singing during lockdown in Italy

26. Laughing

Laughter is the best medicine

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, tip your teacher overboard and listen to her scream, hey! 

• Just laugh! Laugh like you’re 6-years-old and your teacher just farted

• Your body doesn’t care if there’s a reason that you’re laughing or not.

• Watch the Alan Watts laughing meditation :)

• Laughter Yoga: laughing for no reason

• Laughing Meditation Workshop by Stephanie Nash

27. Kundalini Yoga

An ancient practice to connect you to the divine energy within yourself 

This yoga helps us to unblock energy channels so we no longer feel ‘stuck’. It combines postures, mantras/chants, hand positions (mudras).

• Kundalini Yoga with Russell Brand @ Energy Booster

• Get Energized with Kundalini Yoga @ YogaVision Online

28. Danciiiiiiiiing

Creativity, rhythm and whole body movement combine to uplift and let go 

I often plug in my bluetooth headphones, stick on my jam, and just move however my body wants to. You can trust the intelligence of the body. Let it move! 

Old and new movement patterns can stir up repressed emotions and help them move through.  

There are a few cool dancing groups where you can just jam however you like.

• Ecstatic Dance

• 5 Rhythms

• Movement Medicine

• STEEZY - Online Dance Classes for Everyone

• Dancing could treat depression and other brain diseases

29. High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT)

Short periods of very intense exercise with intervals of recovery 

Go all-out, then recover, go all-out, recover and repeat! 

It’s quite intense and probably not for newcomers to exercise. It works, though!

High-intensity exercise is associated with fewer symptoms of hyperarousal and protects from PTSD-induced cognitive impairment.  

I’ll use the example of sprinting. Be sure to warm up first and make sure your form is on point. 

1. Warm up first!

2. Sprint at max pace for 15 seconds 

3. Jog for 45 seconds to recover 

4. Repeat 8/10 times

5. Warm down

• What Is HIIT, and How Can It Improve Your Workouts?

30. Chanting 

Chanting reduces depressive symptoms and
increases positive mood and attention

Chanting ‘Om’ for 10 minutes “improved attention, contributed towards a positive mood and increased feelings of social cohesion”. 

• Pick a chant

• Learn it 

• Chant it:

  • Sit comfortably and take a few deep breaths

  • Chant out loud! Or chant silently! Or in between

  • Keep chanting! 

  • Chant while walking or working or cooking or whatever

• Pay attention to the chant (see below)

• Notice how you feel before and after the chanting

Paying attention: Spiritual teacher Gary Weber advises on how to pay attention to your chant: “[Sense] where it came from, where it went to, the space it occupied and was surrounded by, and what remained after it ended. Feeling the energy change in body-mind during and after the chant.”

• Heart Sutra (English and Sanskrit)

• Bhagavad Gita

• Ribhu Gita

• Nirvana Shatakam (no. 64)

• Gary Weber: lots of information on chanting for awakening 

• Nirvana Shatakam: shut up and chant! 

• You Are Not in Control - Bhagavad Gita Verses

• Ribhu Gita

• For fun, here’s a Japanese Zen Buddhist monk beatboxing and looping the Heart Sutra

31. Visualisation for Energy

Use the power of your mind to generate energy and let go of tiredness

You’re sitting at home, feeling supremely meh. Suddenly, that person you like texts asking to hang out: bam! Energy out of nowhere.

Why? Your mind changed. And you can learn to harness this energy yourself!

Note: You need to tweak any visualisation to suit what works for you. Experiment! 

1. Sit or stand comfortably 

2. Focus your attention on your solar plexus 

3. On the inhale imagine drawing in energy to that point from all around you, starting near your body, expanding out slowly to encompass your surroundings, then the Earth, and even beyond 

4. On the exhale, breathe out into the space around you without pushing anything away

5. On the next inhale, continue drawing in the energy more and more 

6. Use face/body movements to assist if it feels right (i.e. drawing in with hands, pursing lips etc.)

7. Allow yourself to really FEEL the energy and noticing how your body changes

8. Add whatever support you need: maybe a friend or family member supporting you, a beloved pet, a celestial being, a tree...whatever you want! Feel their love, energy and support flooding over you.

9. Continue as long or short as you like

• How to create energy visualizations that actually work @ Mike Sententia

• Powerful Visualizations for Energy, Health, Relationships, Meditation & Relaxation @ Evoyoution

32. Anti-Inflammatory Diet

Counteract low mood, depression and other ‘slow’ states

This stuff makes a massive difference. Go raw if you can. You get more of the goods! 

Remember: what you don’t eat is as (if not more) important than what you do eat. 

If you struggle to give up a particular food that’s possibly because it’s medicating some painful emotional wound. That’s OK! But you will need to heal those wounds before letting the food go (send me an email if you want some tips).

• Fatty fish (salmon, sardines, mackerel etc.) 

• Berries

• Broccoli

• Avocados

• Green tea

• Peppers

• Mushrooms

• Tomatoes

• Turmeric

• Nuts/seeds

• Beans

• Junk food

• Refined carbs

• Fried food

• Processed food (including meat)

• Soda, energy drinks etc. 

• Excessive salt

• NutritionFacts.org: epic science-backed diet information

33. Ditch (Toxic) Social Media

Avoid the self-comparison that induces depression and anxiety

Social media causes loneliness and depression.  

In the words of one study: “the less people used social media, the less depressed and lonely they felt.”

The reason social media has this effect is that social media sparks comparisons of ourselves with others who we see living ‘perfect’ lives on social media. The resultant emotions of envy and FOMO can, in the long term, when repeated through daily social media use, turn into a state of depression. 

(Sometimes social media can be helpful. There are useful pages/profiles where you can learn a lot of things. The key is to avoid anything that triggers the self-comparison.)

• Turn off push notifications 

• Uninstall apps from your phone 

• Find new and better distractions  

• When you feel yourself starting to crave social media use some of the tools from this toolkit to ground yourself and release the craving!

• Film: The Social Dilemma

34. Co-Regulation with Pets!

A form of co-regulation but with more fluff 

Hold, touch and play with pets! If your dog (say) feels safe, relaxed and connected, he/she can help you to regulate your own nervous system.

Apparently this only works with mammals, though. 

Turtles and crocodiles etc. don’t have a nervous system built for social engagement so they kinda suck at helping you co-regulate. 

I found this epic quote from the creator of Polyvagal Theory, Stephen Porges: “The metaphor I’d love to use is that we need to feel safe in the arms of another appropriate mammal. Remember, some people co-regulate more effectively with their pets than with their spouses”.

Here’s the killer question: what is an appropriate mammal? Here’s my best guess.

• Appropriate mammals: dogs, horses, cats, ferrets

• Inappropriate mammals: blue whales, moles, bats, yaks 

• Not sure: bears, wolves, spouses, raccoons

• Pets & Co-Regulation

35. Play / Creativity

Create a sense of fun and flow in the present moment

Playing and being creative is a human need. It’s not optional!

A ‘play deficit’ can cause depression and anxiety, increase the risk of addiction, slow brain development, limit impulse and anger management and generally hinder self-regulation, in adults as much as children.

Lots of play increases brain activity, reduces stress and opens our minds.

Playing hide-and-seek, making music, joking about, writing poetry, gardening, going on a road trip…there are infinite ways to play.

"Stay close to anything that makes you glad that you're alive” - Hafiz

Dr. Stuart Brown describes 8 play personalities that can help you to identify the activities that will bring joy to your life:

1. The Joker: jokes and comedy

2. The Kinesthete: sports, outdoors activities, playing in groups

3. The Explorer: doing new things, learning and researching

4. The Competitor: setting goals, playing and watching sports

5. The Director: organising a party or event, leading social events

6. The Collector: collect items or experiences, show them to people

7. The Artist/Creator: create music and art and share them with others to enjoy

8. The Storyteller: tell, write or perform stories

• Play Deprivation…A Leading Indicator for Mass Murder @ Institute for Play

• What’s Your Play Personality? The 8 Play Personality Type @ Prakhar Verma

• 10 Ways to Have More Fun and Play More As Adults @ Daring to Live Fully

36. Three-Part Breath
(Dirgha Pranayama)

Breathe with all three parts of the torso to fully oxygenate the body

1. Lie or sit somewhere comfortable 

2. Inhale through the nose, filling up the belly like a balloon

3. Exhale by drawing the navel towards the spine to fully empty the belly

4. This is part one, repeat it a few times 

5. On the next inhale, fill the belly and then let the air expand into the rib cage

6. Exhale by letting the rib cage empty, then the belly

7. This is part two, repeat it a few times 

8. On the next inhale, fill the belly, the rib cage and then the upper chest

9. Exhale in reverse order: upper chest, rib cage, belly 

10. This is part three, continue to breathe in this way, making the transition smoother and smoother

• How to Do Three-Part Breath (Dirga Pranayama) in Yoga @ Very Well Fit

37. Box / Square Breathing

Slow down and connect to yourself and your body

1. Breathe through your nose into your belly for 4 seconds

2. Hold your breath for 4 seconds

3. Breathe out audibly through your mouth for 4 seconds

• Grounding Technique for Anxiety: Square Breathing

38. Alternate Nostril Breathing

Ancient yogic technique that involves breathing through alternate nostrils

Known also as nadi sodhana, this technique is thought to balance prana: the subtle energy of the physical body. 

Plus, Hillary Clinton does it. So. *Shrugging intensifies*. 

Science has shown that starting with the left nostril reduces heart rate while starting with the right increases it. 

1. Sit comfortably in a seated position with your spine straight but not rigid and eyes closed

2. Take your right hand and bend the index and middle fingers towards the palm, while extending the thumb, ring and pinky

3. Use your right thumb to close your right nostril

4. Inhale long, deep and slow through the left nostril 

5. Lift the right thumb and turn your hand so the ring and pinky now close the left nostril

6. Exhale long, deep and slow through the right nostril

7. Inhale long, deep and slow through the right nostril 

8. Shift your hand again to close the right nostril and exhale through the left

9. This is one round. Start again at no. 4

10. Continue for up to 20 minutes

Experiment starting with different nostrils. Aim for smooth, controlled breathing keeping your focus on the sensations of breathing. 

• Alternate Nostril Breathing Tutorial @ Yoga with Adriene

• The Ins and Outs of Alternate Nostril Breathing @ Yoga London

39. Spontaneous Movement

The body never lies. Let it move how it wants and needs to! 

The body is supremely intelligent and is capable of healing itself through movement. If you let it!

The main thing is not getting in your own way by willing yourself to do anything or resisting what your body naturally wants to do.

The body never lies. You can trust it implicitly.

1. Stand still and tune into your body

2. Don’t try to move in any particular way

3. Just allow the body to start slowly moving by itself 

4. Let your body lead you, surrender to how it wants to move

5. Keep allowing the body to move however it wants. It doesn’t have to look any particular way.

• An Example of Spontaneous Movement (note: yours doesn’t have to look like this!)

40. Go Barefoot!

Connect to the earth and centre on the present moment

Liberate your pedal extremities from their sweaty foot-prisons and squeeze those toes into the sand or soil! 

Barefoot walking improves balance, proprioception and body awareness. Plus it’s fun.

Connect to your body as you walk, paying attention to the feeling of your bare feet on the ground.

• Walking 101: How to Walk Barefoot (or in Minimal Shoes)

41. Body Scanning

Get out of your head and into your body! 

Scan your body slowly from head to toe to reconnect to your body and physicality exactly as it is.

Through practice you can become more aware of and open to physical sensations in your experience and live life much more grounded in your body (rather than living exclusively in the mind).

1. Get into a comfortable position sitting or lying down

2. Bring awareness to your feet 

3. Notice what sensations are there. Be curious about them, allowing them to be as they are

4. If you find any tension or difficult sensations just hold them and breathe into them, don’t push them away or try to get rid of them

5. Move slowly through your body, doing the same with other areas (legs, hips etc.)

Note: although many people find body scanning relaxing, the goal is not to relax, per se.

• Guided Body Scan Meditation @ Prof. Mark Williams

42. The 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

Attend each of your senses one-by-one
to bring you into your direct experience

This technique is designed to bring all five senses back to the present moment and take your attention off of your mind.

It takes you through your sense one-by-one, drawing you out of the mind and into your direct experience.

1. Sit down and get comfortable

2. Take a few slow, deep breaths

3. See: name aloud 5 things you can see around you (e.g. a lamp, a painting) and get curious about how it looks to you and why you were drawn to it

4. Feel: name aloud 4 things you can feel, like the sun on your skin or your feet on the ground. 

5. Hear: name aloud 3 things you can hear around you.

6. Smell: name aloud 2 things you can smell. If there are no obvious smells, think about a couple of smells that you like

7. Taste: name aloud 1 thing you can taste. If you can’t taste anything, think of a taste you like

8. End with another slow, deep breath

• Excellent guided 5-4-3-2-1 video and explainer @ Anxiety United

43. Hara-Centred Meditation

Ground and balance yourself in your Hara: your energy centre

‘Hara’ is a Japanese word that means ‘centre’. It is a point two inches below your navel and a couple of centimetres into the body that is a major energy centre. 

This meditation helps to root us firmly in this important seat of power and balance, which is particularly helpful when living through difficult circumstances or when emotions are strong.

1. Get comfortable either sitting or lying down 

2. When ready, focus your attention on your Hara, breathing in and out of it

3. Keep your attention fixed on the Hara

4. If you want you can imagine a ball of light there to aid concentration

5. If you get distracted, just notice and bring your attention back

6. Get used to bringing your attention to your Hara even as you engage in daily activities to stay grounded throughout the day

• Grounding and Hara Centering Exercise @ Institut für Hara Awareness

• Guided Hara Meditation for Grounding and Strength @ Craig Behenna

• Zen Yoga for Working with the Hara @ Daizan Roshi of Zenways

44. Gratitude

Simple, but effective! Improves physical and mental health and
helps people bounce back from stressful situations

Simple gratitude is an excellent means of moving out of panicky states and grounding ourselves in those things we do have in our lives.

• Gratitude letter: write a gratitude email or letter (either detailing things you are grateful for or sent to someone to tell them how grateful you are for them!)

• Gratitude jar: get a jar and make it look swish. Then every day write down a few things you’re grateful for on a slip of paper and drop it into the jar!

• Gratitude meditation: visualise all the things in your life you are grateful for. Give each item the time and consideration it deserves!

• 13 Most Popular Gratitude Exercises & Activities

45. Ho’oponopono Prayer

This age-old Hawaiian practice is a kind of self-love mantra

The word ‘ho’oponopono’ roughly translates to “cause things to move back in balance” or to “make things right.”

The prayer goes like this: 

I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. 

Practice repeating this phrase to help ground you in a sense of balance and self-love. 

• What Is Hooponopono? Benefits & Techniques In The Art Of Forgiveness @ The Natural Doctors

46. The Stolk Directive

Say ‘yes’, have trust, and take a ‘let’s go motherfucker!’ attitude! 

My favourite bit of spiritual advice ever, which I received from my friend Julia Stolk. 

I was on Zoom with Julia (I think when I was losing my way a little bit) and she came up with this tripartite gem as a means of navigating the challenge and confusion of life. 

I subsequently dubbed it The Stolk Directive. 

1. Say ‘yes’: just say ‘yes’ to whatever is happening. Just say it, even if you don’t mean it. 

2. Trust: trust that whatever is happening is happening for the right reasons.

3. Have a ‘Let’s go, mother fucker’ attitude: come on, God! That all ya got?!

Just take a minute out of your day to say ‘yes’, express your trust before looking at the sky and yelling ‘Let’s go, mother fucker!’

47. Eat What Your Body Needs

Ditch the diets, listen to your body

No one can tell you exactly what you should and should not eat because every body is different. 

Rather than relying on what other people found works for them, it’s critical that you learn to trust the intelligence of your body to guide you to what you need to eat.

• No rules, prescriptions or proscriptions

• Listen to your body by eating quietly and attentively

• Pay attention to how the body reacts to different foods 

• Don’t use willpower (it’s painful and ineffective), instead learn to trust your body

• Watch out for the trap of using this ‘philosophy’ to justify eating things your mind wants but your body doesn’t 

• Love yourself whatever you eat (no. 47)

• The Yoga of Eating by Charles Eisenstein

48. Good Sleep Hygiene

I’m pretty sure 90% of life’s problems are just not getting enough sleep

• Ditch the screens an hour before bed: it’s a sacrifice, but it works

• Screen-free alarm: if you don’t mind tickling Bezos’ balls, get an Alexa thing and use it to set your alarm without needing to blast white light into your face at midnight

• Ensure darkness and quiet: get whatever earplugs, masks, gun turrets you need to ensure you can sleep without interruption 

• Calming techniques and/or exercise before bed: (see How to Calm).

• Sleep Hygiene Tips from the Sleep Foundation

49. Build a Support Network

Get together with others to share and support each other

Humans are deeply social beings. We heal fastest when we feel safe and connected to others. 

• 12 step groups 

• Depression support groups

• Online anxiety support groups 

• TheTribe: online support for various issues (addiction, anxiety, LGBT etc.)

• 7 Cups of Tea: free one-on-one support chat

• Sangha: the global Buddhist community

• Satsang: Sanskrit for ‘being with the truth’

50. Eye Contact / Dual Eye Gazing

Connecting and grounding deeply with
someone (who you feel safe with) 

Gazing into someone’s eyes helps to make us feel safe and allows us to co-regulate our nervous system with another person.

Source: credit and thanks to Angela Macleod’s nervous system regulation course for this one, check her out at Presence and Flow

1. Agree how long you will gaze for 

2. Gaze into each other’s eyes 

3. Agree to close your eyes or look away if you need

4. Notice how the body feels 

5. Breathe! 

6. At the end close your eyes and notice how you feel

7. Take a few minutes to reflect and, if you wish, share with each other anything you noticed during the practice

• Can the Dual Gaze Reconcile a Broken Relationship? Psychology Today

51. Forest Bathing / Tree Therapy

Trees are awesome. Bathe in them

“Forest bathing,” or shinrin-yoku, as the Japanese call it – is the art of taking in the forest through all five senses.

Being quiet and breathing deeply among glorious trees!

• Enter a state of “soft fascination”: effortless, involuntary attention

• Slow down: you aren’t hiking. Aimlessness is advisable. 

• Listen: outwards, not inwards, to the sounds of the forest

• Smell: breathe deep and maybe sniff a tree

• Touch: when no one’s looking just go ahead and do it > hug that tree! 

• Oh and turn off your phone!

• Forest Bathing and the Healing Power of Trees @ We Are Doré

• Your Guide to Forest Bathing @ Forestry England

52. Rhythmic Breathing

Powerfully using the breath to help
emotions to move through and release

(Source: Embodied Processing)

1. Discern the emotion or state you want to work with: anger, anxiety, fear, shame etc.

2. Breathe in or out depending on the type of emotion:

   1. If it’s an ‘upward’ emotion (anger, excitement etc.):

      1. On the inhale welcome the emotion in and feel it fully

      2. On the exhale let the emotion expand outwards into the space around you (not to get rid of it, just to expand it and get it moving)

   2. If it’s a ‘downward’ emotion (fear, shame etc.) do the reverse:

      1. On the exhale welcome the emotion in and feel it fully

      2. On the inhale let the emotion expand outwards into the space around you

3. Keep up the rhythm of in and out, staying aware of how the emotion changes and moves.

4. Add whatever face/body movements feel appropriate to fully embody the emotion:

   1. Clenching fists for anger 

   2. Folding over for shame 

   3. Crying for fear

   4. Etc.

Note: You can add things if you want. Breathing in divine light on the inhale. Or God. Or love. Breathing out tension on the exhale. Whatever you want!

53. Lion’s Breath

An energising breath practice to release tension in the jaw and face

1. Sit on your back heels or cross-legged

2. Place your palms on your knees with fingers spread 

3. Open your eyes wide and inhale deeply through your nose

4. At the same time, stick out your tongue bringing the tip towards your chin

5. Exhale through your mouth making a long ‘haaaaaaa’ sound

6. Really go for it! Eyes wide, tongue strong, big haaaaaaa! 

7. Inhale, returning your face to normal! 

8. Repeat 5-10 times 

9. Advanced tip: try bringing your attention to the center of your forehead or the tip of your nose while you do the practice

• Lion’s Breath Tutorial [Video] @ Yoga International

54. Kundalini Anger Release Exercise

A three minute exercise to release anger and restore balance

1. Sit down with legs crossed or folded (hips above knees)

2. (Optional: close your eyes and roll them up to the space between your brows)

3. Extend your arms in front of you in a V shape, palms facing inwards, thumbs to the sky

4. Breathe in deeply and slowly, clenching your fists as you inhale

5. Hold the breath in! 

6. Slowly bring your fists towards your chest

7. Imagine that you are pulling a great weight, feel the tension build in your arms and fists

8. The weight gets heavier the nearer you get to your chest, you almost can’t make it

9. When you touch the chest, release all the energy with an explosive exhale and throw your arms out

10. Really feel the anger in your face (scrunch it!), body and arms/hands 

11. Repeat for three minutes

12. End by bringing the hands down to the knees and sitting quietly in silence

13. Pay attention to your body/energy and notice how you feel

Source: Hip Sobriety

• Kundalini Anger Release Exercise @ Hip Sobriety

55. Sighing, Hissing and Haaaaaa’ing

Using natural expressions of the body to
release energy, tension and emotion

1. Take a full, slow inbreath through your nose and hold your breath for a second

2. On the outbreath give a long, audible sigh letting your body soften and release

3. Take another full, slow inbreath and pause for a second or two

4. On the outbreath give a long steady ‘haaaaaaaaaa’, again softening and releasing

5. Another inbreath! 

6. Another outbreath, this time letting out another sigh

7. Inbreath!

8. Outbreath, softly pursing your lips and blowing out as if blowing into a straw letting your body sink and relax as you do so

9. Inbreath! 

10. Outbreath, this time hissing like an angry snake, releasing any tension in the body 

11. Repeat whichever of these felt the best a few more times to consciously release

56. The Voo Technique

Using voice and vibrations to help to
release a freeze or shock response

This is a technique from trauma therapist Peter Levine.

1. Breathe out, sounding the word ‘Vooooooo’ like a long, low foghorn

2. Direct the voo-tacular vibration to your gut 

3. Let the air all the way out then allow the next breath to come in spontaneously

4. Repeat as long as you want

• A Simple Exercise to Ease Despair with Peter Levine

• An Interview with Peter Levine (he discusses the technique)

57. Body Exercises for
Releasing Intense Emotions 

Using powerful movements to help release intense emotions such as anger

The body is a portal to our emotions. By using its movements we can help intense feelings to move through. 

(Source: these exercises were taught to me by Angela Macleod, KI facilitator, Qi Gong teacher and nervous system expert, of Presence and Flow. Gratitude!)

• Practice when you’re NOT feeling intense emotions to get accustomed to the movements, then increase the intensity so you stay grounded while you feel the power

• Don’t go too fast or too hard: it won’t make it work ‘better’

• Keep breathing deeply and slowly throughout 

• Stay in control, don’t let your emotions explode

• Stay safe, have some calming measures (see How to Calm) or a resource (see section 5: How to Resource) on hand in case a feeling becomes too overwhelming

Swinging and stomping like a troll!

• Plant your feet solidly on the ground, wider than your hips 

• Start slowly stamping your feet alternately, swaying left and right as you do so

• Once you find your rhythm start swinging your arms (left arm goes up as right leg goes up and vice versa)

• Ground yourself in the emotion as you stamp and swing: let it express through the movement! 

• Bonus movements if it feels right:

  • Shake your head left to right

  • Add facial expressions and words/sounds

  • Clench your fists

• Bring yourself back down by slowing down the movement and your breathing

• Finish off with a quiet meditation (nos. 15-17) or breathing exercises (nos. 36-38)

Imagine yourself as a Norse axe(wo)man.

• Plant your feet solidly on the ground, wider than your hips 

• Interlace your fingers in front of you as if holding an axe 

• Breathe in, raising the axe high above your head, building tension and intensity 

• Hold at the top, feeling the emotion in the body

• Let the axe fall, let your breath go with a ‘whoosh!’ and release your whole body downwards as if striking the ground with the axe (don’t actually hit the ground)

• With each repetition move deeper towards the ground as you swing down

• Bonus movements: 

  • Add words/sounds: aaah, no!, get off!, gah!, f*ck!, oooooh 

• Repeat as many times as you like

Copy the masters of authenticity: the babies! 

• Lie on the floor, knees bent and heels on the floor, arms on the ground however feels comfortable 

• Throw a controlled tantrum: kicking heels and fists against the floor rhythmically

• Shake your head from side to side

• Add words/sounds: no, no, no! Waah! Aaaah! 

• Continue for a few minutes

• Bring yourself back down by slowing down the movement and your breathing

• Finish off with a quiet meditation (nos. 15-17) or breathing exercises (nos. 36-38)

58. Bouncing, Shaking,
Vibrating and Trembling

Bouncing and shaking is a natural way to
release tension, emotion and energy

The foundation of this technique is feeling safe and grounded.

1. Sit or stand however you feel most comfortable.

2. If you wish, start by bringing in a safe resource (see How to Resource)

3. Pay attention to what feelings and sensations are present 

4. Slowly start to bounce and/or shake, either a specific part or your whole body: whatever feels right. 

5. Trust the body to bounce/shake however it needs: location, duration, intensity

6. The movements don’t have to look any particular way, whatever feels right

7. Pay attention to the feelings and sensations as they change and move

8. Don’t forget to breathe! 

9. Feel free to throw in some sounds and noises if it feels right! It can help. 

10. Pay attention to how you feel now compared to how you felt before

• Qi Gong Guided Shaking Exercise @ Katie Brindle

• Does Shaking Heal Trauma? @ Irene Lyon

59. Tension and Trauma
Release Exercises (TRE) 

A set of exercises designed to release tension and
trauma from the body through shaking and tremoring

It works by using some preliminary exercises to fatigue the body, then you lay down and allow it to shake and tremor to release tension and trauma.  

It’s critical that you do these exercises in the context of an attuned, well-established relationship. Here’s a super helpful article to learn when you should (and should not!) be doing TRE: No Exercise Heals Trauma by Seth Lyon.

• TRE, Trauma Releasing Exercises

• Official TRE site 

• What Is TRE?

60. Myofascial Release 

Work with the muscles and the fascia, manipulating them to
release tension, aches and pain as well as to restore movement 

You need to go and see a practitioner, who can help you to deal with physical aches and tensions.

If you can surrender to the process, at deeper levels there can be powerful and deeply intelligent emotional and somatic releases, which practitioners call ‘unwinding’. 

I have had some incredible emotional releases and discovered physical trauma that would have been almost impossible to uncover without an incredibly skilled practitioner in something like this.

• Myofascial Release website

• Healing Ancient Wound @ John F. Barnes (the founder)

• For those in or near London, do yourselves a favour and go and see Tim Harwood! I can vouch for his insane skillz

61. Emotional Freedom
Technique (EFT) / Tapping

Tapping along specific meridians while repeating a
statement in order to recalibrate your nervous system

Studies have shown that it reduces cortisol levels and anxiety. There are different levels of complexity to this technique. Below are some basic instructions (see the meditations and resources for more detailed instructions). 

1. Identify the issue

2. Rank the intensity on a scale of 1-10

3. Choose a setup statement to repeat with each round of tapping

   1. “Even though I feel X, I deeply love and accept myself”

4. Tap on the nine meridian points in sequence, while repeating the statement.

• Nick Ortner’s Tapping Technique to Calm Anxiety and Stress in 3 Minutes

• GP Walsh

  • Tapping for ‘I am not safe’

  • Tapping for a ‘sense of worthiness’

• Intro to EFT by the Holistic Psychologist

• The Tapping Solution

62. The Sedona Method 

A series of questions to explore and let go of painful feelings

A technique created by Lester Levenson when he was so ill he thought he was going to die. It functions by exploring our ability to let go of the thoughts/emotions that cause our suffering.

1. Allow yourself to experience fully what you're thinking/feeling in this moment

2. Summarise the issue in a single sentence (e.g. I’m mad at my family)

3. Ask the questions: 

   1. Could I let this go?

   2. Would I let this go? Does it serve me?

   3. If not, when would I consider letting it go?

4. Repeat until you feel lighter, freer, happier, etc.

5. Be honest: if the answer is ‘no’, say ‘no’. Even questioning our beliefs and feelings helps to loosen up the attachment to it

• Releasing Meditation - Letting Go - The Sedona Method: Michael Hetherington

• The Sedona Method official site

• Letting go of suffering and attachments (inc. Sedona) @ Gary Weber

63. Byron Katie’s The Work

Identify and question the thoughts, assumptions and beliefs
that underpin our emotions and our suffering

A simple set of questions that are used to whip the carpet from under the core beliefs that cause our suffering. Surprisingly effective.

1. Take some thoughts/beliefs on a subject that is difficult for you and create a one sentence summary of the core belief/assumption, e.g. “My boss is mad at me”, “My Dad doesn’t love me”

2. Ask the following set of questions of your belief/assumption:

   1. Is this true? Consider it carefully

   2. Can I be absolutely certain that it is true?

   3. How do I feel when I have that story/believe that thought?

   4. Who would I be without that thought? What would life be without that thought?

   5. Turn it around 180 degrees and see if that feels as true as the original: e.g. my boss isn’t mad at me, my Dad always loved me

It will be helpful to review some of the resources below before trying it yourself.

• Using Guided Imagery to do Byron Katie's 'The Work' Four Questions

• Byron Katie - The Work in her own words

• The Work: A Two Hour Intensive @ Byron Katie

• Letting go of suffering and attachments (inc. The Work) @ Gary Weber

64. Nirvana Shatakam

A powerful Sanskrit chant that methodically
works through your attachments

Nirvana Shatakam was composed by the Hindu sage Adi Shankara around 800CE and consists of six verses.

You can find the full text in English and Sanskrit here. 

The purpose is to identify and relinquish attachments to all aspects of reality: from our bodies, to our minds, to the world. 

 Spiritual teacher Gary Weber discusses it at length on p. 109 in his book Happiness Beyond Thought available free here. 

Here’s a quote from the book describing how to use the text:

“You can use the entire Nirvana Shatakam step by step, studying each line, each element, carefully, writing them down and pondering and investigating them. You can memorize and repeat them, or you can learn to chant them, which has been my approach for years. As you go through the process repeatedly, within each element, you will uncover, investigate, and discard layers and layers of identification, attachment and belief.”

• Gary Weber is the pro here:

  • Nirvana Shatakam with Mudras

  • Shut Up and Chant

  • Working with Attachments

65. Tell the Truth

Do something we rarely do: be as truthful as possible

We avoid telling the truth to ourselves and others in order to maintain and protect our sense of self (physical and psychological). We fear the consequences of the truth. 

And this has a cost. We must sacrifice our authenticity and integrity in order to survive. This sacrifice is painful: it bends our soul out of shape. 

Being honest feels like exposing ourselves to danger. Imagine how terrifying it would feel to go through life being completely honest (not harsh or unkind (that’s not honesty even when it appears such), just honest). 

Note: this has nothing to do with insulting or hurting people. It’s about slowly going to deeper and deeper layers of truth. 

• What is the deepest belief I have about this issue/person?

• What assumptions am I making here about myself or another? 

• What do I fear happening in this situation?

• What am I trying to avoid by behaving in this way?

• What do I think that this situation/person saying about me? 

• What do I get out of behaving/thinking this way? 

• What would happen if I let go of this thought/belief?

• Peter Ralston: The Reason You Don’t Tell the Truth

• The No-Consequence Question (no. 80)

• Adyashanti Coffee Shop Technique (no. 78)

• Byron Katie’s The Work (see no. 63)

66. Be Heard Without Judgement

Feeling safe enough to reveal ourselves and be
accepted exactly as we are is deeply healing

Many people growing up (or in adulthood) found that when they were vulnerable and expressed their wounds that they were either shut down or that people quickly tried to ‘fix’ them. 

In neither case is the person simply heard and accepted.

Find someone who you can speak your truth to and they won’t try to shut you down, cheer you up or try to advise/fix you. They will simply let you know that they hear you and see you.

They can hold space for what is coming up in you without becoming overly reactive themselves. Your nervous system then adjusts to their calm, spaciousness and groundedness.

Then we feel safe (we aren’t going to be judged or told what to do) and can begin to reveal ourselves to them (and perhaps to ourselves).  

This is co-regulation, the essence of human connection! 

The best ‘how to’ that I know of here is to do what is necessary to hold space FOR OTHERS without judging them. 

Whatever effort we put into that typically is given back to us through the arrival of people in our lives who can do the same for us.

67. Label Your Emotions

The first step in reducing resistance to an
emotion and regulating it is to label or name it

When we face a difficult or overwhelming emotion we often react without thinking, pushing the feeling away unconsciously. This tends to keep it around! 

Indulging in the feeling doesn’t work either. Releasing emotions explosively may provide momentary relief but it doesn’t serve to integrate the emotion (i.e. it will just return again). 

The first step towards integrating emotions is to simply notice them and put a name to them: “I feel anxious/sad/happy etc.”

• Discern the emotion in your body 

• Name it to tame it! The more specific the better, you can even throw in names or adjectives (big anger, fiery anxiety, 

• Acknowledge it by saying the label in your head, by writing it down or just saying it out loud.

• The Noting Technique (no. 68)

• Talk to Your Emotions (no. 70)

• Tame Reactive Emotions by Naming Them @ Mindful

68. The Noting Technique (Mindfulness)

Practice labelling the contents of your experience
in order to increase mindful clarity

Noting a sensory event means to clearly acknowledge its presence and then to briefly focus on it. 

In this technique you acknowledge something (a thought, feeling etc.) and then focus on it. Then acknowledge something else and focus on that and so on. 

You can use labels to make this process easier. There are many ways to label your experience. One way to start is to label thoughts according to their function (e.g. judging, planning, remembering) and sensations according to their feel (e.g. tingling, tension, cold). If you want you can go even simpler: thinking, feeling, hearing...etc.

1. Sit down and get comfortable

2. Start noting: 

   1. Acknowledge: find a sensory event in your experience

   2. Label: name it (e.g. worrying, tingling, chirping)

   3. Focus: keep your attention on that event for 5-10 seconds (or until it disappears)

3. Find another event and start the cycle again

4. Whenever you get distracted, just note the distraction and carry on. 

Note at a pace that feels comfortable for you: not too fast, not too slow.

• How to Meditate: Basic Noting @ Kenneth Folk

• Guided Introduction to Noting 30 Minutes @ UP Development

• What’s Mental Noting? @ DiscoverMindfulness

69. See Hear Feel (Mindfulness)

An simple way of categorising and labelling
your entire experience from Shinzen Young

Take the same instructions as for The Noting Technique (no. 68), but use the labels below:

1. See: any physical sights and mental imagery 

2. Hear: any physical sounds or mental talk

3. Feel: any physical or emotional sensations

• See Hear Feel | Shinzen Young @ Insight Timer

• See Hear Feel: An Introduction @ Shinzen Young (pdf)

• See Hear Feel: An Introduction @ Stephanie Nash (video)

70. Talk to Your Emotions 

All emotions are trying to tell us something. Find out what it is! 

Emotions are not random. They are always trying to help you in some way (even if it they do so in ways that can be misguided or a bit over the top).

It turns out you can get massive clarity around what’s happening in your system by paying attention to what they are trying to tell you.

They often hold unconscious core beliefs, memories, fears or clues as to their origin or root.

By talking to them, you can make these unconscious elements, conscious.

It’s mainly just a question of opening up your nervous system (which can be very closed off) to attune to what your emotions are trying to say. 

But there are a few questions which work really well to get to the deeper levels.

• Acknowledge a feeling that you want to explore

• Get curious about it: where is it? how does it move? what colour is it? is it dense or light?

• Give it full permission to be here exactly as it is

• Once it feels fully allowed, ask it (the feeling!) a question directly:

  • What do you want to say?

  • If you had a voice, what would you say?

  • Why are you here?

  • Where do you come from?

  • What do you need?

• Stay open and wait for an answer to arise naturally 

The trick is to stay open to whatever might arise. Even if it’s not immediately obvious why it did so. Often memories or beliefs arise that bring us closer to the origin of a particular feeling and help explain why it’s here or what it might need.

71. The Boomerang Inquiry

Discover and name the core deficiency
stories that are the source of distress

Source: KThe Kiloby Inquiries

When difficult thoughts and feelings arise we tend to try to solve or fix them at that level. So if a thought arises that our boss will be mad, we try to placate our boss.

But we are never upset for the reason that we think. So placating our boss won’t work!

At the root of any issue there is always a core deficiency story (a deeply-held negative belief about ourselves) such as “I’m worthless” or “I’m unloveable”. 

Getting clarity around the root deficiency stories that are causing our suffering is much more productive for helping with our suffering. 

We find the deficiency story by using the Boomerang Technique: what does this memory/thought/feeling mean about me?

• Pay attention to a thought, memory or feeling in your experience that is causing suffering

• Sit with it for a while, allowing it to be exactly as it is (including any resistance to it)

• Ask: what does this mean about me?

• Don’t try to figure it out intellectually. Just ask the question, stay open and see what arises. 

• Name the deficiency story by putting it in the form “I am X”.

• You can use techniques in the Release and Heal chapters to work with the deficiency story

So I might have an image of my boss yelling at me. I ask the question and stay open. The answer arises: “I’m worthless”. That’s it! That’s the core belief running the show. 

If you get something like “I’m bad at my job”, that’s a level deeper, but it’s still not an “I am X” statement, so just ask the question again: what does it mean about me that I’m bad at my job? Oooh, that I’m worthless. Ouch. 

Once you find your deficiency story, you can use some of the other techniques in Release/Heal to work with it.

• Scott Kiloby on deficiency stories

• Lynn Fraser on the Boomerang Inquiry w/ guided example

72. The Utility Inquiry

Discover the hidden payoff we get from creating
many of our ‘negative’ thoughts and feelings

Source: The Kiloby Inquiries

This is another one from the Kiloby Inquiries that is super useful for determining WHY we cling onto certain beliefs and feelings. 

For example, often we hold negative beliefs about ourselves to avoid some kind of perceived threat or punishment. It’s easier to believe that we are a bad person (as motivation to act ‘good’) than to risk being punished. But this is a very painful and fearful way to live. 

We normally believe things not because they are true, but because they motivate us to behave in ways that get us approval, give us more (perceived) control over ourselves or help us stay safe. 

The three main reasons we believe things are: approval, safety and control. 

1. Take a painful belief you hold (e.g. I’m bad at my job) 

2. Let the belief be true. Feel fully what it’s like for it to be true. 

3. Ask a question to find the payoff, here are a few variants: 

   1. What do I get out of believing this?

   2. What do I fear will happen if I didn’t have this belief?

   3. What does this belief motivate me to do/avoid?

4. Stay open to whatever might arise in response.

5. Name the utility: “I need to believe I’m bad at my job so that I can make myself work harder (i.e. control myself!)”

6. Use another technique from the Release or Heal chapters (e.g. NOW Method, EFT, The Work)

73. The Reverse Inquiry

Reveal the unconscious beliefs that underpin your thoughts

Source: The Kiloby Inquiries

This is a brilliant tool for unearthing the hidden beliefs that determine our relationships to people, places and things. 

It works by stating the reverse of what we believe, in order to prompt our ego to throw up all the reasons why the belief isn't true. 

Then the unconscious is conscious, which allows us to work with it.

Note: this is not a positive affirmation. The point is not to ‘reframe’ our beliefs. The purpose is to bring up unconscious resistance.

Say I want to uncover the ways in which I might hate myself, for example. I would do the following.

1. Choose what aspect of yourself (or relationship to another person/event) you want to work on (so in this example we’re using self-hatred)

2. Sit down, close your eyes and imagine yourself (or the other person/event) in your mind’s eye

3. Look at the image of yourself and say the reverse inquiry: I am perfect exactly as I am

4. Watch as your mind throws up all the reasons it believes that you are not perfect as you are! 

5. Use techniques from the ‘heal’ category to work with this material 

You can change things up in various ways. You can imagine different people to make the trigger more specific (e.g. your parents, partner, the bullies at school etc.).

• Scott Kiloby introduces the Reverse Inquiry

74. Trigger Inventory

Identify who/what triggers you, why it
does so and how the reaction manifests

This is a great exercise to get a birds-eye view of the negative beliefs/emotions you hold and what it is that triggers them in you.

• Get my super-cool trigger inventory worksheet that comes with this toolkit! You can get it at the top of the page.

75. Identify Critical Inner
Voice / Internalised Criticism

Identify the origin of the oppressive,
unkind voice in your head: it’s not yours! 

The little voice in your head that tells you you aren’t good enough is not yours. You weren’t born with it! 

It is the internalised voice of someone else. You took it on to try to stay safe, to get their approval or to be able to control yourself in some way.

For example, if you had to be perfect when you were a child to avoid the wrath of your mother, you will internalise her ‘wrathful’ voice. You will tell yourself you need to be perfect and that if you fail you are worthless. By imagining her voice in your head, you could essentially frighten yourself into being perfect and - voila - you would stay safe from the anger.

This voice helped to protect you when you were little. You can be the judge of whether it’s still useful!

• When you notice the inner critic voice: pause 

• See if you can grasp the core deficiency that underpins the voice. What is it trying to convince you of? (e.g. I’m unloveable, incompetent, worthless etc.) 

• This isn’t your voice. It’s someone else’s voice that you have internalised. Whose voice is it? Parent? Teacher? Childhood “friend”?

• Visualise yourself standing in front of this person at whatever age they gave you this voice

• Visualise yourself giving the voice back to them, telling them that it’s not yours

• Look at the younger you. Ask them what they need, give them a hug, tell them that they’re perfect just as they are. Whatever they need!

• You can also use techniques in Release or Heal to help let go of this voice

• See that their criticism is a result of their own pain, not because anything is wrong with you

• What Is the Critical Inner Voice? @ PsychAlive

76. Journalling

Clarify, reveal and illuminate your inner
world by exploring it through writing

Journalling can be used to discover, acknowledge and integrate aspects of your experience that you were not aware of or were being avoided or pushed away. 

There are infinite approaches you can take, but here are a few popular ones.

• Stream of consciousness: just write down whatever needs to come up without judgement, filter or editing. It doesn’t have to make sense, just get it down! 

• Write your story: tell the tale of a situation (or your whole life!) including your feelings and thoughts

• Use a ‘Why’ Ladder: ask ‘why’ over and over again until you get to the core of a situation

• Dialog with yourself: e.g. speak to your inner child, letting it “speak” and you respond

• List out things you are grateful for 

• Tell truths you don’t feel safe revealing anywhere else

• Track how you feel over time to figure out the impact of healing interventions

• Use self-reflection questions (see the next point!)

• 15 Journaling Exercises to Help You Heal, Grow, and Thrive

77. Self-Reflection Questions 

Ask specific questions to reveal aspects of yourself
that might not have come to light otherwise

There are infinite possibilities (again!) with these questions. There are links to many, many questions below, but here are a few ideas to get you started. Maybe write down the answers in your journal.

• What do I really, really want?

• What am I afraid of?

• What do I believe about myself?

• What do I believe about others?

• What do I believe about the world?

• In what ways am I being inauthentic?

• Is there anything in my life I am lying to myself about?

• Positive Psychology: 87 Self-Reflection Questions for Introspection [+Exercises]

• 60 Deep Questions To Ask Yourself If You Want To Be Self-Aware

A warning on these questions (and others you might find on the internet). 

Many are filled with ‘secret guilt’ questions: ones that are basically trying to ‘force’ you to be more productive or efficient or ‘better’ or some such nonsense as if that’s the natural, healthy human state. It ain’t! This is just internalised oppression. Don’t buy that sauce! (e.g. “Why can’t I work harder” is just trying to control yourself with guilt, not self-reflection!).

78. The Adyashanti Coffee
Shop Technique

Determine what you know to be true in your
direct experience…more difficult than it sounds

This technique comes from spiritual teacher Adyashanti, who used to sit in coffee shops for hours doing it. 

The goal is to find answers to questions by only writing down things that you know to be true in your own experience.

1. Start with a question (he uses the example of ‘what is surrender?’ but you can use anything)

2. Write about the question as if you are teaching it to someone else 

3. The aim is to write down only things that you know in your direct experience are absolutely true. Do not speak outside your own experience

4. You will quickly reach the end of what you know to be true in your own experience

5. Sit and wait at the edge of your experience for the next ‘truth’ to arise 

6. Hold the boundary between what you know and what is beyond what you know

7. Eventually the next sentence or word will come

8. You will find yourself writing down things you didn't know that you know!

• How I Discovered Meditative Self-Inquiry by Adyashanti

79. Track Yourself Over Time

Getting a birds-eye view of your moods, feelings and symptoms over time

It’s tricky to spot patterns over time using only memory, because our memory is so flawed. 

A more reliable approach is to use technology (either pen and paper or mobile apps) to track your moods, feelings, symptoms and so on over time. 

You can map these to certain interventions (e.g. quitting alcohol or starting yoga) to see the impacts over time.

• Tracking your mood using Excel template

• Track Your Habits With Google Sheets in 2020

• List of Mood Tracker Apps 

• 7 Best Mood Tracker Ideas For Your Bullet Journal

You have to watch out for ye olde self-judgement here. It’s tempting to track your moods/habits/whatever and then beat yourself up for not being ‘happier’ or ‘more productive’ or something.

If you notice shame or self-judgement…then find the deficiency story that’s running the show (no. 82) then process the painful emotions underneath it. Or you can hold it in a powerful resource (see How to Resource) or some self-love (no. 108)!

The way forward is to be kind and loving to yourself. Not harsh. But if you are harsh. Love that, too.

80. The No-Consequence Question

A simple question to help clarify what
you really feel about a given situation

Often we aren’t being honest with ourselves about how we really feel. We feel like we ‘should’ feel a certain way or ‘shouldn’t’ feel other ways. 

This question is helpful for cutting through our own bullshit to see what we really think. 

The question is: What would you do if there were absolutely no consequences to whatever you thought/believed/did?

1. Choose a topic/question you want to clarify

2. Imagine yourself in a bright, white void. There are no other people, no world...nothing! 

3. In this place, there are absolutely no consequences for anything. Nothing will happen. No one will say or do anything. 

4. Ask the question in the context of your issue and in this imagined consequence-free zone and allow the answer to arise: In this situation, what would you do if there were absolutely no consequences to whatever you thought/believed/did?

5. Don’t intellectualise or try to ‘figure out’ the answer. Let it come spontaneously.

Important note: this isn’t a license to just do what you want! I’m NOT saying you should DO or FOLLOW whatever comes up. But this question helps to clarify our basic position with HONESTY. From that position we can then better navigate the best course of action. 

Imagine that you are wondering whether or not to go to a wedding, which you feel a lot of pressure to go to. You think others will be disappointed. 

You do the technique and, in the imagined no-consequence zone, ask yourself: would I go to this wedding if there were absolutely no consequences to saying yes or no? 

Allow the deepest, most honest answer to arise from this place of no-consequence. Where if you did or did not go to the wedding, would be completely irrelevant. No one would know, find out or do anything, either way. 

You might realise the answer is ‘no’. Or maybe it’s ‘yes’! Only you can know. 

But, either way, at least know if you’re just going to be polite or not! (And going to be polite is fine! But at least you know that’s the case.)

81. Cognitive Biases

We don’t perceive the world as it is. It helps to
know the ways in which we deceive ourselves!

We see through a glass, darkly. Our brain comes up with all sorts of short-cuts to try to lighten the load of decision making (without which we would go insane). But there are side effects. 

There’s no space to go into much detail here, but I’ll list a few major biases and follow it up with some links to resources to investigate further.

• Confirmation bias: perceiving the world in ways that confirm your own beliefs/expectations

• Loss aversion: working harder to avoid losing something than you would to gain it in the first place

• Bandwagon effect: we believe things more easily if lots of other people believe it

• Cognitive Bias Codex: ~180 cognitive biases

• The Ultimate List of Cognitive Biases: Why Humans Make Irrational Decisions

82. Deficiency Stories

At our core is a basic sense of lack or deficiency that
colours how we perceive ourselves, others and the world

Our core deficiency stories are like a personal ‘cognitive bias’ through which we interpret everything that we do and that happens to us. 

Common deficiency stories are I’m unloveable, I’m not good enough, I’m worthless, I’m bad, I’m stupid and so on. 

All deficiency stories try to ‘survive’ by seeking to confirm themselves everywhere. So we ‘see’ our sense of deficiency in everything and everyone to one degree or another. 

It’s critical to uncover and name your deficiency stories (no. 71).

Source: credit goes to Scott Kiloby for this foundational concept. Peter Ralston has something similar he calls the ‘Bottom Line’.

83. Self-Sabotage

We sabotage ourselves to maintain our identity
and because it’s safe, comfortable and familiar

We hold on to our deficiency stories about ourselves because we unconsciously think we need them to survive. 

For example, a personal example is that I need to believe that I am ‘weak’ so that I will hide and not confront people and so on. This keeps me nice and safe! As a result, I have to avoid becoming ‘strong’ (which would be dangerous) and so sabotage ‘strong’ behaviour. 

So self-sabotage is the flip side of our deficiency stories and is a way for us to stay in familiar, safe, comfortable territory (even if it feels terrible). 

You cannot deal with the self-sabotage without recognising and dealing with the underlying sense of deficiency.

• Deficiency Stories and Self-Sabotage: Two Sides of the Exact Same Coin

84. Resistance

Our nervous system (often with good reason) feels that its unsafe
to approach certain thoughts or feelings so it resists them

Resistance is a necessary and helpful aspect of our psyche. 

You cannot will your way through resistance. Nor do you need to ‘overcome’ it. 

The approach is to build a safe container in which to hold it and then to let it unravel in its own time.

You can also ask questions or inquiries of the resistance itself to find out what it fears or is trying to protect you from.

Use resourcing techniques or trained practitioners to help you feel safe and supported and you will find that - bit by bit - you can move towards those thoughts/feelings that feel unsafe.

• Techniques for Dealing with Resistance (nos. 102-104)

• See How to Resource

85. Emotional Repression

As we go through life we learn that it’s NOT OK to express certain emotions

Repression is the unconscious ‘smushing down’ of unpleasant emotions and feelings. 

We chiefly repress emotions that threatened our attachment to our parents when we were small. 

If we got (say) angry, and our parents would yell at us, then, the next time anger arose, we would unconsciously repress it (stop it happening) in order to maintain the relationship with mum or dad. If this pattern repeats we quickly get into the groove of repressing anger every time it arises. 

But we basically repress any emotion that we feel may threaten our survival (which includes compromising relationships, angering people, etc.). 

These repressed emotions don’t just magically disappear. They are stored in the body and the nervous system, with massive effects on our physical and mental well-being. 

Most people are repressing HUGE quantities of emotions. And they have absolutely NO IDEA that they are doing so. 

The result is chronically agitated nervous systems (and all the coping strategies to deal with it), a ‘washing machine’ mind as well as physical maladies.

• Gabor Mate: Don’t Suppress Your Feelings!

• Techniques for Emotional Repression (nos. 109-111)

86. Inauthenticity

We sacrifice who we really are in order to
stay safe, maintain control or get approval

Imagine if you were completely yourself, almost childlike in your honesty about your behaviour, beliefs and feelings.

Now imagine you have a job interview. Will you show up in your honest authenticity, being exactly as you are? Or will you struggle to present yourself in a way that the interviewers will find appealing?

This strategy of struggling to present ourselves in certain ways is effective: it gets us what we want. But there is a heavy price: inauthenticity.

We pretend to be someone we’re not to ensure the survival of our psychological self: safety, control, approval, pleasure and so on.

Doing this is fine. It’s not wrong! But in so doing we bend our soul out of shape. It is not possible to be happy while being inauthentic. 

But perhaps these “negative” beliefs and behavioural patterns that we seek to hide from others are themselves things we took on in order to survive? Perhaps they are themselves inauthentic?

We take on inauthentic behaviours and then seek to hide said inauthentic behaviours in an endless loop of inauthenticity!

This one is worth your time to investigate.

Use journaling (no. 76) or inquiry (nos. 71-73) to see if you can spot some of the ways you’re being inauthentic.

• Honesty and Authenticity @ Peter Ralston

87. Projection

Placing feelings/behaviours you must deny in yourself onto others

When our own feelings and behaviours threaten our image of ourselves (e.g. a ‘nice’ girl has ‘bad’ thoughts) we have to hide them from ourselves. 

One way we do this is to ‘project’ them onto others. We start seeing the traits we want to hide in other people. It’s not ‘true’ but is rather our own ‘projection’. 

It’s important to take responsibility for your own projections! And be aware when other people are projecting onto you.

• Everyone Else’s Fault? How to Stop Projecting Feelings Onto Others

• See the section on Shadow Work (nos. 114-115)

88. Transference 

When you redirect feelings about someone
(say, a parent) onto someone else (say, a teacher)

Transference means that we interact with one individual (the teacher) as if they were the other individual (a parent), placing the same expectations and assumptions on the former as we would for the latter.

It is often triggered by a likeness in some way, either looks, position, demographic or personality.

Transference is very unhelpful when trying to establish authentic relationships with people, as you are essentially interacting with your own projections of someone else from the past.

• Transference in GoodTherapy

• Transference in Therapeutic Relationships

89. The Shadow

Hidden and disowned parts of ourselves that we must deny and repress

The shadow is everything we cannot see in ourselves. This is normally (but not always) the ‘darker’ side of our selves...the unacceptable, evil, inferior and unpalatable within us.  

We get in trouble when we fail to see our shadow, because we are then likely to project it out onto others and the world. 

Bringing the shadow out into the open and dealing with it is known as ‘shadow work’. Check out the section on Shadow Work (nos. 114-115) or check out the resource below for some ideas on how to do that. 

• A Complete Guide to the Shadow @ Scott Jeffrey

• Shadow Work: The Ultimate Guide + Free Psychological Test @ Loner Wolf

90. Body Resource

Find a place in our body that we can turn to to get a sense of safety and support

We can use a stable, supportive part of our body to create an island of safety to which we can turn.

Note: perhaps your body has never felt particularly safe. That’s absolutely fine. You can use another of the resource approaches below, instead.

1. Define your resource:
   Determine what feeling safe, supported, whole or home (whatever words work best for you) feels like for you. Describe the characteristics to yourself

2. Find safety in the body:
   See if you can find somewhere in your body that feels ‘safe’ to you (according to your own definition). This is your resource. 

3. Explore this place in the body:
   What does it feel like? What is the felt sense?

4. Cultivate safety/support:
   Really feel into the sense of safety/support this resource gives you. Notice how it makes you feel and how your body responds. 

5. Ground into the resource:
   Breathe into this island of safety in your body. Sink into it. Let it permeate your experience.

6. Anchor your resource:
   We ‘anchor’ this resource to a movement so you can train your system to return there. Put your hand on your heart and take a deep breath while holding your wrist and the resource in your attention together. Form a link between the two. 

7. Build the resource:
   We grow in capacity to hold difficult emotions by building our resource. Place your hand on your heart and return over and over again to the place of safety, building it over time

91. Memory Resource

Find a memory of a person, place or thing that
we can turn to to get a sense of safety and support

Using a past experience of safety to help create an island of safety in the present. 

You can use the ‘Imagination Resource’ to adds some bells and whistles to your memory resource to make it juuuust right.

1. Define your resource:
   Determine what feeling safe, supported, whole or home (whatever words work best for you) feels like for you. Describe its characteristics to yourself

2. Find a memory that matches your definition:
   Is there a person, place or thing in your memory that made you feel the things you defined in step 1? If not, try the Imagination Resource below. 

3. Explore the memory:
   What is it like to be with this memory? See it in as much detail as you can. What is the felt sense? How does it feel in the body?

4. Cultivate safety/support:
   Really feel into the sense of safety/support this resource gives you. Notice how it makes you feel and how your body responds. 

5. Ground into the resource:
   Sink into the felt sense of your resource. Let it permeate your experience.

6. Anchor your resource:
   We ‘anchor’ this resource to a movement so you can train your system to return there. Put your hand on your heart and take a deep breath while holding your wrist and the resource in your attention together. Form a link between the two. 

7. Build the resource:
   We grow in capacity to hold difficult emotions by building our resource. Put your hand on your heart (or whatever anchor you used) and return over and over again to the place of safety.

92. Imagination Resource

Create a place of safety in our imagination that we can turn to

If creating a resource in the body or in a memory doesn’t feel quite right or even unsafe then an awesome option is to create a resource in your imagination. 

Or you can just add some ‘imaginary’ aspects to a body/memory resource, as well. 

1. Define your resource:
   Determine what feeling safe, supported, whole or home (whatever words work best for you) feels like for you. Describe its characteristics to yourself

2. Create a place in your imagination that fits your definition:
   Go wild with your imagination! Imagine a palace or a beach or space station or whatever where you feel safe/held/supported.

3. Bring in safety/support:
   Is there an imaginary person or animal or angel or anything that you can bring into the scene to help you feel more safe/supported? Imagine them in detail: they can hold you or comfort you or do anything you like. Only your imagination is the limit.  

4. Cultivate safety/support:
   Really feel into the sense of safety/support this resource gives you. Notice how it makes you feel and how your body responds. 

5. Ground into the resource:
   Sink into the felt sense of your resource. Let it permeate your experience.

6. Anchor your resource:
   We ‘anchor’ this resource to a movement so you can train your system to return there. Put your hand on your heart and take a deep breath while holding your wrist and the resource in your attention together. Form a link between the two. 

7. Build the resource:
   We grow in capacity to hold difficult emotions by building our resource. Put your hand on your heart (or whatever anchor you used) and return over and over again to the place of safety.

93. Infinite Love Resource

Give yourself the love the world denies you! 

To be loved exactly as you are is all you ever really wanted. In that place, the need to understand, have, improve, conquer and so on...melts away. 

But you may have noticed that the world is not great at this (through no fault of its own). 

This practice helps us to build our capacity to give unconditional love to ourselves. This is, in fact, like a ‘muscle’ that we can train. 

We build a resource of love in our imagination that we can draw on at any time. 

1. Create a safe context for the resource:
   Imagine a beautiful safe space: a clearing in a forest, a wide beach, whatever you want. Be creative. 

2. Find something within you that can serve as a love resource:

   1. Think about a person in your life who loves or loved you unconditionally, who accepted you exactly as you are

   2. Most of us never encountered such a person, if that’s the case, imagine a Being or Beings who do love you unconditionally and accept you exactly as you are: angels, your ancestors, Jesus, a puppy, all of the above...whatever works!  

3. Feel the Love:
   Feel that these people/animals/beings exist only to give you unconditional Love. These Beings do not care what you say, how you behave or what you think. Feel their Love wash over you like a giant wave. 

4. Feel the Love even more!:
   Feel the Love even more!!! Imagine a tornado of Love tearing through your experience that you couldn’t escape even if you wanted to. 

5. Know that they Love whatever arises:
   If resistance arises in you, that’s fine: they love the resistance, too. If unworthiness arises, they Love that, too.

6. Ground into the resource:
   Let the Love permeate your mind, body and spirit as deeply as you can. If you can’t, let them Love the fact that you can’t. 

7. Anchor your resource:
   We ‘anchor’ this resource to a movement so you can train your system to return there. Put your hand on your heart and take a deep breath while holding your wrist and the resource in your attention together. Form a link between the two. 

8. Build the resource:
   We grow in capacity to hold difficult emotions by building our resource. Put your hand on your heart (or whatever anchor you used) and return over and over again to the place of safety.

94. Surrender the Feeling

Be with the emotion or feeling while
surrendering any effort to modify it in any way

This technique is from David Hawkins, who pointed out that we normally handle feelings in one of three ways:

• Suppression (consciously pushing it away)

• Repression (unconsciously pushing it away)

• Escape (attempting to change the feeling through some behaviour or object)

All of these are forms of resistance that don’t heal the emotion.

Instead we must surrender the feeling.

1. Identify a feeling or emotion

2. Get specific: where is it? What does it feel like? Is it moving? Is it static?

3. Feel the sensation fully in your body and be totally present with it

4. Surrender all efforts to modify it in any way - this is the key

5. Stay with it as long as the emotion needs

6. Some emotions have multiple layers, keep repeating this technique with the different layers as they come up. 

Note: sometimes, this technique by itself is not enough. Check out some inquiries (nos. 71-73) that can be used to go deeper into certain feelings.

• Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender By David Hawkins

• How to Let Go: The Only Technique You Will Ever Need

95. The NOW Method

Notice, open and watch your emotions and
feelings letting them be as they are

Source: The Kiloby Inquiries

The NOW method stands for: notice, open and watch. 

This is a great way to develop mindfulness while also allowing your emotions to move how they need to.

• Get comfortable, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths

• Notice: acknowledge a sensation in your experience, being curious about it, noting its location, size, colour, movement etc.  

• Open: allow the sensation to be here, giving it full permission to be exactly as it is

• Watch: simply witness the sensation, letting it move and express (or be still) exactly as it wants

• Keep going through the cycle, noticing what is, opening to it and then watching it

96. Simple Inquiry

A basic inquiry technique for quieting
thoughts to allow you to be with the body

Source: The Kiloby Inquiries

Sometimes thoughts obscure feelings, making it hard for us to feel them directly. This technique can help!

1. Invite in a difficult issue that you want in inquire into

2. Notice the thoughts and feelings that arise in response 

3. Build a collage of all the thoughts in your mind (words, memories, beliefs etc.)

4. Look at the collage from a quiet, still space 

5. Breathe and allow it to be there

6. Tap with two fingers on your forehead, paying attention only to the sounds and sensation of the tapping (this is to help you disidentify from the thoughts)

7. After 15-30 seconds stop tapping and rest in stillness 

8. If the mind is still very active repeat the tapping steps

9. If the mind is quite still you can now go into body and feel emotions/sensations directly

• Guided Simply Inquiry exploration with Scott Kiloby

97. Pendulation

Moving back and forth between a supportive
resource and a difficult or distressing emotion

Pendulation is a way of bringing safety to distressing emotions and can help to retrain your nervous system to handle greater levels of activation and then to hold and process trauma and distressing emotions.

1. Create a resource for yourself, either in your body, a memory or your imagination (see How to Resource)

2. Let the felt-sense of the resource saturate your experience 

3. When you feel ready, invite in a triggering belief or memory 

4. Notice how the body reacts: where do you feel emotion? What is it like?

5. Take a moment to experience the emotion, either fully or a small piece of it if it’s strong

6. Now shift your attention between these two places: the resource (more safe) and the sensation in the body (less safe)

7. Move slowly, going back and forth and notice how the sensation changes

8. Always move at your own pace. Don’t push yourself beyond your capacity.

• Peter Levine: What Is Pendulation?

98. Titration 

Exposing yourself to (very) small amounts of activation
at a time to slowly build capacity and avoid overwhelm

Slow down your emotional response, opening up more space for you to integrate and complete an emotional response at your own pace and maintaining a sense of safety. 

It also slowly builds the capacity of your nervous system to be with intense sensations and emotions. 

1. Optional: start by grounding yourself in a supportive resource (see How to Resource)

2. Invite in just a little bit of an intense trigger

3. Imagine the trigger is like a tap that you can turn on or off 

4. Turn the tap on up until the edge of your capacity 

5. Stay with your experience, adjusting the tap if it starts to get too much or starts to lessen

6. Use calming/grounding techniques if you start to feel overwhelmed

• On The Importance of Titration for Trauma Healing @ The Art of Healing Trauma

• Navigating the Window of Tolerance: Titration During Emotional Adventure @ Kristy Arbon

99. Cohabitation / Dual Focus

Learning to hold both an anchor of safety and a trigger at the same time

This technique is used in EMDR and Embodied Processing, amongst other things.

It involves focusing externally on a neutral or safe/supporting resource (in EMDR this is the therapists’ hand movements, in EP it is normally a safe resource [see How to Resource]) and internally on a difficult trauma/emotion.

By holding both, the intensity of the trauma/emotion can be held without becoming overwhelmed, which gives space to allow it to be held/healed.

1. Choose a suitable resource:

   1. A breathing technique

   2. A self-holding position (no. 5) (e.g. hands on heart and belly)

   3. A body/memory/imagination resource (How to Resource)

2. Feel the support of that resource in your body and fully inhabit it

3. Once you are ready, begin to invite in the trigger (an emotional wound of some kind or difficult sensation)

4. Learn how to cohabit both the support of the resource and the intensity of the bodily sensation

5. If the sensation becomes too much, back off and concentrate solely on the resource

• Dual Focus: An Important Element of Trauma Treatment @ Trauma Institute

100. The Dimmer Switch

Increasing the intensity of emotions to
bring up layers of that have been repressed

Source: Embodied Processing

We process and integrate emotions best when we are in the ‘goldilocks zone’: when it is pushing our capacities, but not overwhelming. We still feel grounded and safe.

Use this technique (often useful in concert with others) to find the ‘edge’ and stay there.

1. Invite in an emotion you want to process

2. Notice where it is, what it feels like, how it moves

3. Allow it to be exactly as it is

4. Note the intensity on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the most intense) 

5. Start slowly turning up the intensity of the feeling

   1. You can intensify it by imagining a situation that brings up the emotion in question (e.g. imagine yourself telling your parents you failed your exams)  

6. Gently lean into the intensity

7. If it starts to get too much, relax the intensity, move into resource (How to Resource), or use some of the calming or grounding techniques in this toolkit

101. Merging and Distancing

Moving between fully embodying an emotion and holding it at a distance

Source: Embodied Processing

Merging involves fully embodying a sensation, thought or emotion, almost being it and allowing it to move and express as it wants. This helps an emotion to process.

Distancing involves holding thoughts, sensations and feelings at arms length to disidentify from it and/or gain space from it. This helps to relieve intensity and to see that we are not the thing we are looking at.

We can use these either individually or move back and forth between the two. By going back and forth we slowly increase our capacity to embody the emotion by merging with it each time with more intensity.

1. Merging:

   1. Acknowledge the feeling 

   2. Notice where it is, what it feels like, how it moves

   3. Allow it to be exactly as it is

   4. Merge into the emotion. Become it. Move as it. 

   5. Dance, move, express as the emotion > move the body, talk as the emotion, whatever it needs

2. Distancing:

   1. Notice if an image, sensation or emotion feels either overwhelming or even stuck/static

   2. Distance that object from you: literally hold it out in front of you in your mind’s eye. See that it is separate from you.

   3. From a distance notice the details of the image or sensation: the colours, features, size, shape etc.

   4. When you are ready slowly start to bring the object closer

   5. As it gets closer start to move back into ‘merging’ as above

102. Allowing Resistance

Learn how to notice resistance and simply be with it

When meditating or being with a difficult sensation there are many layers of resistance that arise.

The first step is always to allow it! 

Whatever we resist, persists.

1. Notice when you are resisting a sensation

2. Discern the actual resistance in your experience: how do you know you are resisting? Is it a tension? A sensation? Is there a thought/belief attached?

3. Whatever the answer is, turn towards that! 

4. Be with the experience of resistance, allowing it to be just as it is

5. Use a healing technique: merging, pendulation or some of the resistance techniques below to work with it

103. Metaphysical Hands 

Use imaginary hands to hold whatever we are rejecting to reduce resistance

Source: The Kiloby Inquiries

We often resist elements of our experience, which is an effective way of keeping them stuck and blocked! What you resist, persists. 

This technique is a way of reducing resistance, fostering acceptance and helping experiences to unfold organically as they need to.

1. Locate something that you are resisting: a contraction, an emotion, a painful sensation etc. 

2. Be curious about it: explore the shape, colour, size, movement etc. 

3. Now imagine in your mind taking two hands and just gently holding that sensation

4. Hold the sensation in these imaginary hands and let it be as it is 

5. Follow how it moves: it if moves up or down, follow it with the hands; if it gets bigger, the hands get bigger with it and so on

104. Thank You Phrase / Welcoming

Welcome aspects of your experience that you are maybe pushing away

Source: The Kiloby Inquiries

This phrase is a way of welcoming any aspect of your experience that you find yourself resisting.

The phrase is: thank you for arising, I love you, stay as long as you like.

1. Locate something that you are resisting: a contraction, an emotion, a painful sensation etc. 

2. Welcome it into your experience by saying: thank you for arising, I love you, stay as long as you like

3. Allow the experience to be exactly as it is! 

4. Remember: letting go is a welcoming. Whatever you resist, persists.

105. Tonglen

An ancient Buddhist breathing practice to awaken compassion

Reverse the usual pattern of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure by taking in the pain of others and breathing out compassion.

There are many ways to practice, below are some basic instructions for Tonglen (see the resources for more detailed instructions).

1. Sit quietly, get comfortable and take a few relaxing breathes

2. Imagine someone you want to help or a difficult situation. Focus intently on this person or situation, really feeling the energy of it/them

3. Breathe in, focusing on the negative energy, imagining breathing in the suffering and freeing it from the person/situation 

4. Breathe out, exhaling happiness, peace and love towards that person/situation 

5. Repeat this practice, breathing in pain and breathing out compassion over and over again

• How to Practice Tonglen @ Pema Chodron

• Tonglen Meditation – How to Practice @ MindWorks

106. Metta / Loving Kindness

A Buddhist meditation to develop compassion and
loving kindness towards ourselves and others 

It turns out that compassion is like a muscle that you can strengthen. And that’s just what Metta or Loving Kindness meditation does! 

The idea is to extend compassion to yourself, then to a loved one, then someone neutral, then someone with whom you have difficulty.

There are many different instructions for how to do Metta. Below are some basic steps to get you started (see the resources for links to more detailed instructions).

1. Get comfortable and relax with a few breaths

2. Bring an image of yourself to mind

3. Wish yourself well, extend compassion and love to yourself

4. You can repeat the following words to support this (adapt as you want!)

   1. May I be well, may I be happy, may I be peaceful, may I be free

5. Shift your attention to a loved one, wishing them well and extending compassion and love

6. Contemplate someone ‘neutral’, wishing them well also

7. Finally, shift to someone you dislike or fear and try to extend compassion and love to them also

• Guided Metta Meditation @ Greater Good Science Center

• Getting Started with Metta Meditation @ MindWorks

107. Cultivate Self-Acceptance

Self-love is a more effective way to change than self-hatred!

We normally try to change by berating ourselves. How’s that working out for you, hmm? :) 

This is a painful and ineffective way to live. We try to be happy by rejecting ourselves and repressing parts of our experience. 

Instead, we must welcome in the parts of ourselves that we are resisting and rejecting. This is an act of profound self-love (which is the only thing we want anyway).

There are many ways of doing this. Below is one possible approach. 

The trick is that you CANNOT do self-love through willpower. It doesn’t work. You need to face the feelings of self-hatred that stand in the way of self-love. When they have been processed, self-love naturally shines.

1. Write down an aspect (or several, or many!) of yourself that you don’t accept or like

2. Acknowledge what you believe about yourself (even if it’s unpleasant)

3. Feel the resistance and any emotions (like shame) that may arise 

4. Welcome in the feeling of resistance/shame

5. Feel where it is in the body, its size and shape and colour, how it moves 

6. Lean into it, let it be true, open up as fully as you can to the pain: accept it as it is in this moment 

7. You can use

8. Love your shame to death: hold it and accept it in your experience

9. If you cannot accept something, that’s fine: accept that you cannot accept!  

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Rumi

• Guided Meditation for Self-Acceptance @ The Mindful Movement

• How to Reduce the Power of Unworthiness @ Noah Elkrief

108. Self-Love Visualisation

Use the power of your mind to evoke self-love

Give yourself the love the world cannot give you.

1. Sit or lie down somewhere cosy and comfortable

2. In your mind’s eye, imagine yourself somewhere safe, maybe a clearing in the woods, or on a wide open beach or snuggled up on a cosy sofa with your dog - whatever works for you!

3. Conjure up beings who only exist to shower you with love. Use whatever feels right to you: angels, beings of light, animals, aliens - whatever!

4. See them in detail: their faces, their clothes, their smiles, their love! 

5. Imagine them pouring their Love into you like an endless stream or lightwave

6. Feel it seeping deep into your Being - including even those parts of yourself you struggle to love (especially those!)  

7. Know that you don’t need to do anything or be anything to be worthy of this Love

8. If unworthiness or resistance shows up, just let them bathe that in Love as well! 

9. Go crazy with your imagination here, there are no limits. Create whatever you need to give yourself Love. 

109. Reverse Inquiry for
Emotional Repression

Determine which emotions you are repressing and how you are doing so

Source: The Kiloby Inquiries

This is useful if you notice yourself holding back emotionally in some way. You watch anger/shame/sadness arise and see that it’s immediately pushed back down again. 

Or if you don’t feel like you can express yourself emotionally in front of other people. This is all repression! 

Learn more about reverse inquiry by checking out no. 73.

In this example, I use ‘emotion X’. Insert here whatever emotion you think you’re repressing. 

1. Imagine a situation/person that would trigger emotion X in you 

2. See it clearly in your mind, imagine it in detail

3. Feel emotion X start to arise in the body (or it may not at all if very repressed)

4. EITHER ask one of the following teasing reverse inquiries:

   1. I can fully express emotion X 

   2. I can fully express emotion X in front of anybody 

   3. I really want to be completely emotion X and let it out completely! 

5. OR imagine yourself fully expressing emotion X, really letting it fully out, almost over the top, completely embodying the emotion

6. This is the key bit: look for a NO anywhere in the body/mind, either thoughts, sensations, tension, resistance that arises in response > that’s (part of) the repression mechanism! 

7. You might get thoughts that say “they’ll be mad at me” or you might get a sense of tension in the belly, or something completely different. Pay attention! 

8. Take the NO—however it looks—and then use some of the processing techniques in this section to work with it! 

9. Go back to the top and go through again until you feel more able to express the emotion

• Enlightenment and inquiry on emotional repression @ Scott Kiloby

110. Utility Inquiry for
Emotional Repression

Find out the reasons why you are repressing certain emotions

Source: The Kiloby Inquiries

We are taught by parents/society that it’s NOT OK to feel certain emotions. 

And so we repress them, in order to find approval/safety from our parents/society. 

So, if you are honest with yourself, you will be able to see that you do get a benefit from repressing certain emotions (even as that repression is painful and inauthentic):

• By repressing anger, maybe you keep the peace and avoid conflict.

• By repressing sadness, maybe you won’t upset someone

• By repressing joy, maybe you won’t draw attention/criticism

We use the utility inquiry to find why we are repressing certain emotions. 

Replace ‘emotion X’ with whichever emotion you want to investigate. 

• Choose an emotion you suspect you are repressing

• Imagine a situation/person that would trigger emotion X in you 

• See it clearly in your mind, imagine it in detail

• Feel emotion X start to arise in the body (or it may not at all if very repressed)

• Ask yourself one of the following inquiries:

  • What do I gain by not fully expressing emotion X?

  • What pain do I avoid by not expressing emotion X? 

  • What would happen if I fully expressed emotion X?

  • What would happen if I fully expressed emotion X in front of my family/boss/partner?

• Let a response arise naturally (don’t try to ‘figure out’ what it is): it will probably be a combination of words, images and sensations 

• Go towards the pain: go towards whatever pain you are trying to avoid by repressing the emotion, where is it in your body?

• Use some of the processing techniques in this section to work with the pain 

• Go back to the top and go through again until you feel more able to express the emotion

• Emotional Repression - The Science, the Clients and Me @ Scott Kiloby

• Do You Have Repressed Emotions? 5 Signs @ Michele Lee Nieves Coaching

111. Integrate Abandoned Parts/Feelings

Discover and integrate those parts of
ourselves that we reject and have abandoned

As we go through life, there are aspects of ourselves that we feel that it is unsafe to reveal or express.

Perhaps our parents disliked our anger or our teachers shut down our playfulness. In order to maintain our attachments we had to repress these sides of us and pretend that they don’t exist.

You can think of things that we have repressed in ourselves as ‘abandoned’ or ‘orphaned’: parts of ourselves that we had to reject to survive. 

When many parts of ourselves are abandoned in this way, we struggle to feel whole and authentic.

We can heal by finding these parts and reintegrating them back into our self. 

1. Introspect or wait for life to reveal to you something that was previously unconscious (i.e. abandoned/repressed/rejected) (see the section How to Clarify for loads of helpful ideas)

2. Name the abandoned part/feeling to acknowledge it

3. Symbolise this part in your imagination, here are a few ideas:

   1. Imagine this part as a version of you (e.g. your ‘lost’ self or your ‘confused’ self)

   2. Picture the scenario the first time you experienced this part

   3. Use an abstract symbol or metaphor to represent this part

4. Via the symbol, talk to this part of yourself that you have abandoned:

   1. What do you need/want to say to it?

   2. Ask it if it needs/wants anything from you?

   3. Does this part have something to say?

5. Listen to and dialogue with it: responds to what it wants/needs. 

6. Do you want to welcome this part in? (Be honest: if the answer is ‘no’, say ‘no’.)

7. Finish by holding it in a powerful/loving resource/support (see the section How to Resource)

• Parts Work Therapies: Embracing Complexity @ Arielle Schwartz

112. Undo Childhood Vows

Deconstructing the vows that we adopted as
children to keep us safe, loved and in control

Childhood vows are a decision you made about how you would act in the future, based on assumptions you created that you, others and the world are a certain way. 

You, others and the world are never inherently a certain way. That's always just a perspective that you were forced to adopt because you felt that it would help you survive (including social approval and a sense of control etc.).

• Make a list of events in childhood that you feel impacted you (they needn’t be ‘big’ events, it's the impact they had on you that matters)

• Ask the following questions about each:

  • What did this event lead you to assume about yourself?

  • What did this event lead you to assume about others?

  • What did this event lead you to assume about the world? 

  • How did you decide you must act/be from then on?

  • What are these actions/behaviours protecting you from?

• Let go of the assumptions/vows you made, here are a few ways:

  • Surrender the Feeling (no. 94): go directly into that which you constructed the vow to avoid (e.g. fear, shame etc.)

  • Reverse Inquiry + Merging (see no. 73 + 101 )

  • EFT (no. 61)

  • Byron Katie’s The Work (no. 63)

• Uncovering Your Childhood Vows @ Actualized.org

• Childhood Vows worksheet from Actualized.org

113. Reparent Your Inner Child 

Give yourself now what you did not receive when your were a child 

Our unmet childhood needs and repressed emotions are still within us, steering our lives behind the scenes. 

There are many ways to do this but most involve three core steps (from Big Self School), which are below:

1. Acknowledge: find and acknowledge the wounded part of you that is the inner child

2. Communicate: begin to connect to that part of you, hearing what it has to say and feeling what it is like to bring that part to the surface

3. Nurture: step into the role of the nurturing parent. From your adult self, you give to your inner child whatever it needs that it didn’t receive at the time 

Here are some ways to manifest these three steps:

• Dialoguing with your inner child

• Writing your inner child a letter

• Integrating abandoned parts (see no. 111)

• Visualisation exercises 

• What Is Reparenting and How to Begin by the Holistic Psychologist

• Inner Child Work: How to Heal By Reparenting Yourself by Big Self School

• A Journey To Heal Your Inner Child | Guided Visualization

114. The Mirror Technique

A way of uncovering the ways in which you project onto others

Source: How to Practice Shadow Work by Loner Wolf

Adopt the mindset that other people are mirrors of what we carry inside. 

We project our unconscious fears and desires onto them: those characteristics or behaviours you are most triggered by in others are the juiciest opportunities for spotting aspects of your shadow.

1. Wait until you are triggered by someone, or imagine them to trigger yourself

2. Ask yourself: 

   1. What am I projecting onto this person, if anything? 

   2. Is this projection something I am denying in myself?

3. What is mine? What is theirs? What is both of ours?  Don’t forget to look out for positive shadows (adoration etc.) as well as negative

115. The 3-2-1 Shadow Process

Integrating our shadow by bringing it closer
and closer: from ‘out there’ to ‘in here’

This technique is from Ken Wilber, it refers to the three personal perspectives: 3rd, 2nd and 1st person. 

In this technique we follow the shadow through all of them, bringing it closer and closer to home. We end by owning the shadow and integrating it into our self. 

• Bring to mind a person/image that triggers you and label the specific characteristic that you are most repelled by/attracted to

• Face It (3rd person): acknowledge and describe the person/image in detail and explore what bothers you - “they do this and say that…”

• Talk To It (2nd person): dialogue with the person/image, ask them questions and imagine them responding. Enter into relationship with them:

  • Who/what are you? 

  • Where do you come from?

  • What do you want? 

• Be It (1st person): become the person/image that repels/attracts you. Embody the traits and see the world from that perspective. Identify yourself with it: “I am angry”, “I am perfect”. Own it and integrate the shadow back into your larger self.

• Ken Wilber on the 3-2-1 Shadow Process @ Integral Life

• Ken Wilber’s 3-2-1 Shadow Process in Action @ Unify Cosmos